2022

 Welcome back to my little internet space.

Yes, I am back here to write my 2022 resolutions, 

just keeping this tradition in this space alive. 

2021 was bad, in terms of my mental health. 

But it was great for my career. 

There were so many days I spent my night crying myself to sleep. 

Crying when I was driving, screaming and asking myself why. 

It was difficult. One day I feel good then the next day I can feel complete shyt. 

But it's okay, I know healing is not linear. It's part of the process. 

I will always have my own back. And I will pick myself up every single time. 

But I was glowing in my job. I grew so much in 2021. 

And now I am finally be comfortable enough to say what I want to say.

I have a say now. So yes, for 2022, I am definitely going to work better and smarter to climb higher.

For this, I am excited.

2022 Resolutions. 

1. Be mindful of what I let myself feel. 

I mean, I do let myself feel anything my heart wants to think about. But not let myself indulge in it anymore. Like usually when I am sad, I will tell myself 'okay, you can be sad tonight but tomorrow, we are going to feel better'. This is something I want to improve better. I am allowed to feel sad, but I am not allowed to let myself indulge in this misery, I will be my own guidance and make sure I do my best. 

2. Sleep better.

I have been losing sleep since my breakup. 

I can't sleep or sleep well. My sleeping time is usually 2 or 3am and that sucks. Sometimes I don't even have things to do, I just lay awake and think about all the shytty things that happened in my life. haha. That's definitely something I want to get rid of. But I am proud to say, at the date of writing, 16 Jan, I've been sleeping better and earlier. Talking bout progression. 

3. A healthier body & diet.

One thing I've lost in 2021 is my stomach's ability to handle spicy food. Ive learnt it the hard way. Ate a spicy chicken burger before my flight and felt terrible throughout the 7 hours flight. I think stepping into 26 really changed my view on how to take care of myself, both physically and mentally. My eye sight is not getting any better either. So I probably gonna have to start taking eye sight supplement lol. I am scared I am not afraid to grow old but I am afraid of the implications like I can't even see the number clearly on the screen. 

4. Just, happy.

One thing the breakup has teach me well is feel the happiness when you have it. Cherish the moment, feel it and remember the feeling. I think it's both a blessing and a curse to have this ability. Like I can remember exactly how I felt in any moment. I can remember how I feel when I first watch the snow, how I feel when i was standing outside the grocery store waiting for my uber with him or when he bought me an iPhone. But in this year, I want to have these feelings with someone new. I no longer want to cling to the memories I shared with him. It's time to move on, and feel new happiness. I totally deserve it.

You know, sometimes when you just don't let yourself go and you keep asking yourself why. 

And you just don't accept any kind of explanation you give to yourself. 

It's like an inner war between your heart and your brain.

But these days, I often just let my brain wins. 

If we didn't breakup, will we be happy?

If we really got married, will this be the life we want?

Spending your life with him, and resenting him?

I guess there is no perfect answer. 

But at least right now, I know, if we continue to go on like this, 

we would start to hate each other and eventually lead to an uglier end.

Everything happened for a reason, I still believe in that. 

Cheers to a better year and may this year brings 

more laughters, inner peace and more success.