In Progress

I am 21 this year. 

Almost done with my degree, 

staying in a small town, 

ambitious, 

had my heart broken a few times ("because once is never enough" said Rei).

I was very frustrated with my project just now 

and I feel like my brain is going to explode. 

Unhappy things are filling up my mind, 

waves after waves. 

It took all my happy vibes away,

 leaving all the sad and angry's. 

And suddenly a thought strikes. 

I am suppose to be happy even though I am busy and get all my stuffs messed up. 

I am suppose to smile even I feel like 

the whole world is against me.

Even I feel like 

the whole word abandoned me. 

At the age of 21, 

I am still learning,

I am still finding the balance,

the balance of making myself feel better, calm& happy,

I still cry ( a lot),

I still get angry out of nowhere,

I still feel empty. 

You have no idea how many time I picked myself up,

over and over and over again.

Telling myself its ok, 

whispering "its ok honey its ok" to myself 

like I'm comforting a crying, helpless baby,

so I don't breakdown in front of everyone like a psycho.

But I guess thats ok, right?

No one figures everything out when they are 21.

I am suppose to make mistakes, get hurt, hurt people, cry a lot and fall down.

'Its not a fucked up life just because you fucked a few things up,

its only a fucked up life if you let it fucks you up over and over again.'

yes i write that out for myself, bear with my language.

Everything gets better eventually, it has to.  

If you have the same feeling like me, 

hang in there buddy!