Purpose

People come and go, thats so inevitable.

I am now a firm believer of 

everything happened for a reason.

I asked myself a lot, 

on failed relationships, 

broken trust and 

insecurities. 

I blame myself for feeling so small. 

I blame myself for pushing people away. 

I blame myself for not taking enough chances,

for not saying the right things,

for do not have the guts to say things when I'm suppose to say it.

But I soon realise, 

maybe everything is meant to be (?)

Maybe if I said that/done that, things will get worst?

I choose to believe that now is good. 

Everything that happened are leading me to the right way. 

It is suppose to happen. 

Every decision in our life, is the best decision we are suppose to make.

Just like meeting people. 

People come into our life 

and walk out of it after that. 

Everyone's gonna leave, there's no exception.

Yes, your love might stay with you till the end of your time, 

but still, you have to leave when you die right?

I believe that god gives everyone who walks into our life a purpose. 

Once they have served their purpose, they will leave. 

It is not your fault darling, they just done their purpose. 

You are suppose to be happy for them. 

You need to stop blaming yourself. 

Be grateful for the things they have done for you. 

Be grateful they keep you accompanied. 

They make you feel so loved, happy. 

They let you know you are worthy of love. 

In fact, so much more than that. 

I used to tell people I love I will be forever grateful.

And I really am.

I didn't say that just to make them happy.

I'll be forever grateful on your existence in my life, 

for keeping me accompany, 

making me so so happy, 

making me feel loved

and 

tell me I am worth it. 

I just want to say thank you 

to everyone who has come into my life.

I hope you're still in my life, 

but if God decided that you have served your purpose,

I will be happy enough to give you a hug & say goodbye. 

I hope I've served my purpose well in your life too.

I hope you serve your purpose on other's life 

just as well and wonderful as you served yours on mine. 

In Progress

I am 21 this year. 

Almost done with my degree, 

staying in a small town, 

ambitious, 

had my heart broken a few times ("because once is never enough" said Rei).

I was very frustrated with my project just now 

and I feel like my brain is going to explode. 

Unhappy things are filling up my mind, 

waves after waves. 

It took all my happy vibes away,

 leaving all the sad and angry's. 

And suddenly a thought strikes. 

I am suppose to be happy even though I am busy and get all my stuffs messed up. 

I am suppose to smile even I feel like 

the whole world is against me.

Even I feel like 

the whole word abandoned me. 

At the age of 21, 

I am still learning,

I am still finding the balance,

the balance of making myself feel better, calm& happy,

I still cry ( a lot),

I still get angry out of nowhere,

I still feel empty. 

You have no idea how many time I picked myself up,

over and over and over again.

Telling myself its ok, 

whispering "its ok honey its ok" to myself 

like I'm comforting a crying, helpless baby,

so I don't breakdown in front of everyone like a psycho.

But I guess thats ok, right?

No one figures everything out when they are 21.

I am suppose to make mistakes, get hurt, hurt people, cry a lot and fall down.

'Its not a fucked up life just because you fucked a few things up,

its only a fucked up life if you let it fucks you up over and over again.'

yes i write that out for myself, bear with my language.

Everything gets better eventually, it has to.  

If you have the same feeling like me, 

hang in there buddy!