Its ok to be vulnerable

I realise I have outgrown the 'I don't text first' phrase, I can now proudly say that I am more mature than I was.

I feel like i am always that person who try to make feelings into words. I want everything clear, no matter in relationship or friendship or work. 

Everything has to be clear. 

I need to know where we are, where are we heading to with this relationship. 

I don't do blurred lines. 

Sometimes I do wish I can just live with blurred lines, but I can't. I always have the urge to clear things up, to make both sides know what are we, what are we doing. 

I hate myself for being like this, sometimes. I scared people away with this behaviour but I can't help it. 

People take this as vulnerable. And yes, I am not going to feel sorry to be like this anymore. 

I mean, its ok if you wanna set the line up first, to prevent any disappointments. 

I don't take voicing out my feelings as a weakness. 

In fact I think thats a brave act. Even though I know making it clear hurts. I know maybe sometimes its better to keep the lines blur, feed yourself with lies even though its unhealthy because it makes you feel so much better. 

People take 'I text them first' as a weakness. But does that really makes you feel/look weak when you do that? Really? 

All of us are going to die anyway, its just a matter of time. It might be 50 years from now and it might even be tomorrow. So when you are too scare to text first, ask yourself. What if they are dying, what if this is the last chance that you get to talk to them? 

Will you still hold your pride and wait for them to text you first?

We are just a speck of dust in this enormous universe, why don't we do what we love and say what we really want to say instead of holding our pride trying to look cool? 

Thats not cool, thats wasting your precious time.

Goodnight peeps.

2.20am