Consequences

"Do you know the consequences?" I asked, hoping he doesn't realise where is this leading us to.

"I know" He said, quietly.

The consequences are I won't be that person who's going to celebrate your 21st or even 40th birthday with you. I will not be the first person you see when you wake up in the morning, half asleep, bad breath, in the future. I will not be there anymore when you're having insomnia. I will not be the one who you will go to first when there is any happy events and hearing me screaming 'congrats!!' from the other side of the phone. Lastly, I will not be 'the one' anymore, I won't be 'my girlfriend' anymore and you won't be spending your life with me.

Same goes to me, you won't be around when its my birthday. You will not be the first person I see when I wake up and roll over to give bad breath kiss in the future. You will not be the one I annoy when I have insomnia. You will not be the first one I think of when there are good news or bad news and receiving your call right after I tell you. Lastly, you will not be 'the one' anymore too, not my boyfriend anymore and I will not spend my life with you.

I guess you are really okay with these consequences and apparently I am not, yet.

I am reminiscing, telling my little heart it is time to let go.

New me

Now i realise,
 people can change their mind in just all in a sudden.

No matter what they have said, what they have promised. 

Breaking up is hard, It is way way harder than I expected.

The moment right after you wake up is the hardest.
And that is the time you need to motivate yourself, giving yourself positive vibes.

I can't really sleep well because the little noise in my head keep on talking to me, 

all the things just keep flashing back in my mind

and I feel even sad when I am awake.

It kills you, it takes a part of you. (It might be diff to others, depend on how much you put)

But the good thing is,

you feel like you are starting to know yourself, starting this beautiful process all over again.

After a nearly 2 years relationship, I've changed.

I am not the old me anymore, I grew to become someone he likes, 

someone he adores, in the hope that he will always pay attention to me

 but not in my way.

He likes girl with curly hair, so I curled my hair.

He likes girl who knows about sneakers, so I try to read more news about sneakers, what it the trend.

Well, at least all of the things he likes about girl are not a bad thing. (luckily)

It's not like I don't like curly hair, I love it actually but only after I curled 

Sometimes I do wonder, wheres that little proud girl went?

Guess now is the time I need to find that little girl back. 

I should stop being so weak, 

try to be the best version of myself. xx

 It'll gets better, eventually.

hugs&kisses