Its not a fairytale

Rough rough days recently

and finally

I decided to call this off. 

I want to stay

please know that 

this is the only thing I wanted 

for so bad

I cry myself to sleep

I get so mad

I lost my mind

I had my heart broken

by the same damn reason 

again and again

I gave out chances 

hoping you will change 

secretly wishing this is just a dream

secretly wishing we are all good

secretly wishing you are still you

To be frank, 

we did have a lot of happy times.

Remember when you bought me flower on our first anniversary?

Remember all the movie date and delicious dinner date we had?

Remember you send me breakfast after you've done your marathon?

Remember the first time we went to beach on our first monthsary?

Remember the Alaska bomb we had and it was ridiculously awkward and funny?

I was genuinely happy & I am really grateful

for having you this wonderful person 

as my partner.

But things are heading to a pretty bad direction isn't it.

Sleepless nights for me when you can sleep soundly

endless fights and you started to care lesser and lesser 

while I am the one who always crying on the phone.

I do keep on changing my mind
I want to stay
I want us until the end
I still think we can
I still think we stand a chance
I still think you are the perfect one
but
after all this disappointment i get,
I think I am just being stubborn.
My heart are tired,
I am not going to force things anymore. 

I guess I will never love like how I did in this relationship anymore

I gave out all my love to this, to you. 

And now,
this is what I get in return,

I am trying to take this back.

I am asking my heart back.

Remember I said please take good care of it because it is fragile?

It is now in pieces,

and I will be the only one to fix it. 

Thank you for the journey, J. 

It is still a g o o d one.